When Life Gives You Lemons, Make Love

Queer Sex Food
IMAGE COURTESY OF FLORENT MANELLI

WHEN LIFE GIVES YOU LEMONS, MAKE LOVE

WORDS BY ANDREAS CARVER

In 2018, with Grindr, Tinder, Her and a catalog of dating apps to choose from, I must ask, how many of us are having good sex? And I’m not talking about a hookup, a one night stand, or something quick and easy (not that that can’t be good), but GOOD sex? Something that is slow, attentive, and satisfying? And at a time when millennials are crippled with the realities of debt and low wages, do we have the mental capacity to indulge in a sexual connection that is based on reciprocity?

We do. It starts in the kitchen.

When we cook, it brings us back – back to earth, back to home, back to the present. We aren’t concerned with our student loans or a miscommunication from earlier in the day, rather we focus on the task at hand. When we cook mindfully, we are likely to reduce stress and depression. UCLA’s Mindful Awareness Research Center suggests that practicing this type of consciousness can improve your immune system, decrease anxiety, prevent emotional outbreaks, improve concentration, and more. But making a meal for someone or ourselves above all boosts confidence. It is a skill of nurturing; it is an act of self care; and when cooking for others, it is selfless.

 

“The tension that stood shoulder to shoulder between us was expressed through the exercise of juicing. And that was the foreplay before foreplay.”

According to Robert Fried and Lynn Edlen Nezin, New York doctors and authors of “Great Food, Great Sex,” our apathy to sex is the result of what is on our plate. A team of scholars, led by the psychologist Jean Twenge, demonstrates that there has been a 14 percent decline in sexual frequency of Millennials. Although these are new findings, and the reasons behind this generations’ disinterest is still unclear, I’d like to argue – it’s because of our food. In “Great Food, Great Sex,” Robert and Lynn argue that in order to heighten sexual performance, their needs to be proper circulation to our sexual organs. “The controlling mechanism for blood flow in to the sex organs is a gas molecule made in the body called nitric oxide. And it can only come from food,” explains Fried. Fruits and vegetables have been proven to help produce nitric oxide while antioxidants help fight clogged blood cells.

Whether you’re sexually active or actively sexing yourself, spending time in the kitchen with healthy foods can only improve your wellbeing and sexual appetite. If we incorporate this practice of mindful cooking, I’m optimistic that it would slow us down; therefore, giving us a different type of sexual satisfaction.  

 

“… do we have the mental capacity to indulge in a sexual connection that is based off of reciprocity?”

At the peak of spring, as flowers bloomed and New York temperatures slowly crept up, I got a taste of a new type of sexual satisfaction. I found myself in my kitchen squeezing lemons with a guy I had just met. Any long breaths before eager words filled the room, were accompanied by droplets hitting a puddle of sour dew. The tension that stood shoulder to shoulder between us was expressed through the exercise of juicing. And that was the foreplay, before the foreplay. The two of us working on something tactile and tangible to the finish. We weren’t worried about if he was going to spend the night or what this could turn into because we were both there, just squeezing lemons. And when it did come time to connect physically, I was satiated.

 

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