The Paradix of Sex


ART for EL CHAMP @ketaandunicorns

Nobody is talking about it, yet EVERYBODY is thinking about it… I’m referring to your dick. Or rather, our dicks. The queer community has become size queens by the agency of 14inch PornHub endorsed dicks (which make up 2% of the population) and dick shaming Grindr memes. We’re in the midst of a “paradix” whereby cis and trans men are being stigmatized and shamed for the size, shape or other “unconventional” deviation of their penis – and this needs to stop. 

The latest evidence indicates that the average size of a man’s penis is 5.16 inches in length and 4.5 – 5 inches in girth. Only 2% of men have a penis longer than 7 inches, meaning that about 90% of men have a 4 – 6 inch penis. Yet gay and heteronormative culture have put “big dicks” on a godly throne that’s hurting us all, and not in a good way… It’s making some of us, who don’t happen to have a Big Little Lies’ Alexander Skarsgård prosthetic penis feel ashamed. According to the Observer’s British Sex Survey, which polled 1052 adults, about 21% of them were unhappy with their penis size. 

In my own experience, having previously only slept with women I never really questioned or was made to question my anatomy, but once I came out and started looking to gay media for guidance, it was, well, problematic. I found that I was receiving one particular message loud and queer: If you don’t have a “baby arm’s dick” to show for, then you don’t exist.

“According to the Observer’s British Sex Survey, which polled 1052 adults, about 21% of them were unhappy with their penis size.”

Body image issues aren’t a new phenomenon in the queer community but for the first time in my life, I started to doubt both my penis size triggering me to question my own self-worth. My confidence (and dick) shriveled up and I even stopped jerking off because I felt so ashamed of my dick. I completely lost perspective. And perspective is everything.

It is worth noting, that Medical News Today explains that “looking down at the penis from above makes it appear smaller, compared with how it looks straight on, or from the side. Seeing one’s own penis from this perspective and perhaps comparing it with other men’s appendages from a different perspective, may, therefore, reinforce false ideas of penis size.”

People with this type of anxiety over their size suffer from Small Penis Syndrome (SPS), wherein a man can believe that his penis is actually smaller than it is. They do not have an unusually small penis. They just think they do.

The long and short of it is that the shame we carry around our dick size is affecting our mental health and wellbeing. We need to get back in touch with our bodies. Be open to discussing this stigmatized topic with other men in our community.

How to embrace your dick. Techniques beyond the missionary position and mental notes that may be worth exploring:

A Smaller Penis: A penis smaller than 6 inches is trending like a Jacquemus Chiquito Mini, now hailed as ideal for anal sex. Whilst trust, communication and lube are fundamental elements here, embrace your mini and try Doggy Style. Have your partner lie on his stomach with his legs spread, while you get on top, slide in, and rock back and forth. This position allows for maximum pelvic movement and penetration. You will also have more control of movement which can be a relief and serve as a relaxant if you’re already feeling anxious about your size.  


A Girthy Penis: Folded Desk Chair. Position your partner on his back and place his legs up on your shoulders. With his legs in the air, this will naturally open his hips and anus and will help with penetration making it the least painful for him.


A Curved Penis: Fly in on the Launch Pad. Start your partner on his back with his knees tucked into his chest. The curve will most likely enable you to penetrate deeper and massage his prostate.


“A penis smaller than 6 inches is trending like a Jacquemus Chiquito Mini, now hailed as ideal for anal sex.”

Non AnalClimax Wrestling, more commonly referred to as frotting removes the pressure to subscribe to binary sex roles and is an intimate interaction beyond conventional penetration. Free of shame, Climax Wrestling is physical mutual dick on dick action which endorses the use of sex toys and lubes to enhance pleasure and sexual exploration with your partner. Take your time and get to know each other’s bodies on a more intimate level.


It is also important to note your insecurities may be shared by your partner and whilst men traditionally have been raised to bury their insecurities and shield their emotions, by discussing your vulnerabilities and connecting on an emotional level it is scientifically proven to increase the intensity of sexual pleasure and reduce the risk of performance anxiety symptoms. 

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